daddylane's Cancer Blog
May 12, 2008
| Rainy Daze? | Views: 650 |
Here we are wearing Daddy Lane’s swell shirts… Lot’s of lovin!
What a wonderful and positive outpour of sentiment and loving feedback we have received from all of our special family and friends. Annette was able to stay with us over the weekend and we cried and laughed together while we tried to make sense of where to go from here. Our father, husband and friend is gone and we will always have an emptiness where he once was. We will miss him so much. He loved us so much and supported us. He loved children, travel, wine, to play with words and photography. He would make it a point to talk to us about our lives and experiences and would then tell us about something that he found interesting and fun.
This is the last photo of Daddy Land alive. He is saying goodbye to his son-in-law Jack Nelms.
I sit here at the desk where I first began communicating to you all on this here blog. When I had just moved back here Daddy would wake me up with the sound of his coffee preparation (where a little ceramic cup always made it to Momma Lanes bedside). Then as time progressed it would be my seeking his company that woke me up and we would chill in the living/dining area. He would read his Wall Street Journal (Degenerates Journal in previous blogs to razz him and get a smile from ya’ll) and I’d start writing or adjusting photos for the blog. Periodically I would ask for his feedback of what he wanted the blog to say, ask for his help with spelling a word or just telling him what comments were being left on the blog. Morning patterns.
Josh blows Pop-Pop one last goodbye kiss… very special moment!
Then not too much later he would sleep in more not making the coffee. Still, we would be together once he woke up. His cute salt and pepper hair. I would see the top of his head as he sat in his chair reading the paper and then later just dozing off talking in his daze and making gestures of organizing paperwork air the air (I asked him about it and he would smile and say it was the darndest thing being in two different states of mind, sometimes folding clothes other times getting files together).
Earlier in the day I asked Josh if he wanted to see Pop-Pop and he said yes. We went in and I got this shot just at the right time! So special, such a strong connection here!
As he progressively got skinnier, his pain level kept shooting higher and higher, his ability to focus was compromised but he still had the drive to follow through with his goals. After it became apparent that time was limited Daddy made it a point to get letters out to the State Assemblymen, inviting them to his NARFE meeting to discuss the close of the most recent session… and Momma Lane points out, planning for the September meeting, even though he was stepping down as President. He knew that this was going to be his last contribution to a community and cause that he was deeply invested in.
Last Tuesday he went to the meeting where he led in the Pledge on Allegience.
That night he started Methadone.
Wednesday he recovered from the exertion of the day before while adjusting to the more intense numbing medication as his grandsons flew around the house having fun.
Thursday he slept till Noon. Wow, really out of character. When Joan, the Hospice Nurse, came to check up on him he was very disoriented and had difficulty getting his bearings. He was anxious that waking up so late made him miss his meeting. She left (after commenting to him that he seemed anxious and letting him know that it was earlier than he feared). He then gave Momma Lane high praise for being there for him and for her patience. He commented on the additional energy of the boys around the house said how special our family love is, how he felt like he’s been clear about that to us, how much we all mean to him.
While getting ready to go to the meeting I was helping him put on his blazer and he collapsed. This was very intense and forever haunting. I was able to help him ease to his knees as his whole body shook. His eyes expressed the pain he felt. I conveyed how tough it was to have to say this to him, that he shouldn’t/couldn’t go, that it wasn’t a good idea, I couldn’t support him going out in the rain and extending himself like that. That immediately changed to “I’ll go to the car and get the wheelchair, YOU WAIT HERE!â€
When I got back from the car with the wheelchair, drying the rain off it, I looked up and saw him crawling in his hands and knees towards the door! I tried to slow his ass down and get him to follow the plan. We helped him into the chair and got him out the back porch, around the house and to the car.
Daddy Lane led the meeting like a champ. He rocked it like nobodies business. He accomplished what he set out to do and was able to take notes and follow the information the Assemblymen were passing on to the retired posse that Daddy Lane loved so much working with! He followed through on his mission to pass on information to his fellow “union†members. He passed the torch as they voted for the next sessions leadership. He saw his community make their next move and voted right along with them. He witnessed the progress and was able to participate in something special that makes a difference in peoples lives. He has shown us how to love, live and die with grace and dignity. All the while respecting himself and others. Giving to the community, fighting for a worthy cause. Bonding with like minded folk. Showing his abilities as a bright and courageous man. Being open to their differences and OK with those differences to the extent that a good leader does.
Daddy Lane was very tired after the meeting though. Literally giving it his ALL. He slept after the meeting and went to bed early that night. On Friday he interacted with his grandsons just before they got picked up by their Daddy Jack. He was very weak. He had trouble making it up to get to the bathroom. Hospice had a hospital bed delivered. I went to get supplies from Hospice and buy sheets for the bed. Daddy always liked to say how the trouble doesn’t start (for him) until 4 PM on Fridays. Well at 6PM when I got home and was washing the sheets for his new bed and the bed was being delivered and set up, Annette was spending quality time with Dad. He would come in and out of consciousness and smile or comment about how bright it seemed (the clouds opened for a second letting the sun shine through). At 7:45 he took a very deep breath, Annette being the only person in the room, and let out a heavy sigh, body releasing, muscles relaxing and it was over. His pain was relieved.
We immediately began to gather around his body and absorb what had just taken place. We lit candles all over the room, creating a sacred space, and cleansed his body. We dressed him in the cute clothes he loved to wear and took photos. Nothing sick here people… just real loving, tender moments where we were saying goodbye to his physical vessel. We were documenting the relaxed expression on his face and how beautiful his hands looked. Getting in one last photo op.
Eventually the Hospice nurse Joyce came to the house to pronounce him dead and shared some words with us. Then the Anatomy Gift folks came for Daddy Lanes body. They took him but I helped to move him onto the gurney. Now he will continue to contribute to his community. We have hope that his body will help science learn what happened to him and allow for the opportunity that other people not experience the level of pain that he did.
We cried and cried. We laughed and laughed. That night and continuing on to this moment Momma Lane has been very stoic and grounded. She’s got to be so relieved that he is no longer suffering like he did. She had to witness it on a day to day basis. She saw the effect it had on his body. She saw him and helped him make it through his deep pain, one that no person should ever have to experience nor to witness a loved one experience.
So in the ensuing days we mourn. We feel the emptiness and grief in a deep level regularly. Miss that man! We took cute photos on Sunday with all of us wearing Daddy Lanes cute pattern button down shirts. He had so much style we had to flip the script and show you all how the Lane’s take care of business. Enjoy!
Remember that Momma Lane will need to hear from us a lot. She may not really feel the impact until later. None the less we rally behind one another and focus on the future and what it brings. Time’s a wastin!
For anybody interested in making a donation to Montgomery Hospice in Daddy Lanes name (Gerald Lane for this occasion) in lieu of flowers we greatly appreciate it, that was Dads wish. Their address is 1355 Piccard Drive, Suite 100, Rockville MD. 20850.
We will begin planning the memorial this week so any ideas will be appreciated. We are thinking June 21st since both Niki and Jasper will be available at that point. We would like to have it at a local recreation center (Four Corners, Silver Spring Maryland area) so it will be both kid and senior friendly. We want this to be a celebration. Music, Food, and lots of Fun folks so get the feedback to us and let up know if you are able to contribute. We will be needing to have a large white screen/sheet to project photos onto, a PA and will hash out the food and drinks as time progresses.
It has been both an honor and a pleasure to have the opportunity to write about my father while facilitating a place for family and friends to know what’s been happening with Dad. I am grateful for all of the positive feedback I have gotten from you all (Dad especially!) and am glad that my humor was appreciated too.
We plan on continuing to post blogs in order to remain in touch with loved ones and to pass information on.
Thank You So Much!
With Love and Respect,
Timothy
PS:
This is the only time this walker was ever used, for Pop-Pop’s special boys to play on!
Rainy Daze?, 
7 comments)
06.22.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Tim,
I am a son and I have sons, I mention this as a way to qualify what follows.
You are an amazing fellow and I am honored to share your love and devotion for your father. You have taken a reality, that might bring others to a dark and miserable place, and you have kicked open the windows and pulled back the curtains, you have flooded this place with light and love and hope.
I feel sure that Daddylane told you this, but in case it never came up or he had trouble expressing it, let me say to you, as a father, you have done well and have made fathers prouder of sons by walking this path with such love and light. Well done, indeed.
In closing I am compelled to add, from the great philosopher “George Thorogood”, Get a hair cut and get a real job…...........just funnin
Mac
Dear Friends and family of daddaylane. Words can not say how I feel on this day. So I will just send all the blessing to you and yours. Again thank you for sharing this part of your lives with us. We are blessed.
Love Sherri
I met Jerry about 2 weeks after his initial surgery when we both were attending a NARFE meeting being held in Virginia. He was not yet supposed to drive, so I picked him up at your home, and we rode the Metro to Virginia together. (He would not allow me to help him with his back pack – or anything else) and his athleticism stood him in good stead. By the end of the day we had become fast friends.
On the trip home, he told me, among other things, how much he was looking forward to the birth of his daughter’s first child. I am so glad he survived long enough to love two more grandchildren.
He is one of those truly good people who lived his life according to his ethical principles, and was apparently doing so until the moment of his demise – and after. He is a person who inspires love.
The world was a richer place for his having been, and he leaves good memories with his special wife, the children whom they obviously raised beautifully, and his friends.
Len and I wish you happy memories, and please know that he lives as long as all of us who knew and think about him, live.
Love, Sandy Weiss
What words to use…
I have enjoyed sharing in your family’s lives. I looked forward to your posts, yall always make me smile! I am sorry for the loss of a wonderful man.
I am glad to hear of the celebration you are planning.
XOXOTimothy & Family,
I haven’t been able to be on here for a while. I was so very sad to read that Daddy Lane was no longer with us but I am thankful that he is no longer in pain. My heart breaks for all of you because I know from experience how hard it is to lose your loved one….especially for Momma Lane.
Thank you Timothy for your faithfulness in posting all the blogs. I feel like I know you and your family just from reading them.
My prayers will be with all of you, especially Momma Lane, as you try to resume your lives without him.
GOD BLESS and be with you, my friends.
Love and hugs,
Joyce
Tim and Lane family. WOW you are such an amazingly well spoken (written) man! I could feel the love, the mourning, the celebration of Daddy Lane’s life. I too am so happy he is not in pain anymore. He leaves an amazing legacy… I am only sorry i did not read the blog sooner, I would have donated instead of sending flowers. Take care, we love you all and we WILL keep in touch a LOT..
Love, Lee, Cindy and Landon Trent (Cindy Lane of course!)
WE cry many tears for this brave loving & kind man our world has lost, see ya jerry kisses. victor ,valerie